Milestones

A friend of mine died last week.

Andrew Vause

Andrew was a tough bloke. I met him on a gaming forum that I used to frequent pretty regularly, a fourth generation internet descendant from the forum that grew out of the burgeoning Unreal fanbase of the late 1990's. A few of the original Unrealers are still there, but the site has gradually morphed into its own community - internet friends. A lot of the members don't even play computer games anymore.

Andrew had joined the forum, like many of the members, via a friend-of-a-friend, and he was generally regarded as something of a troll, and in the early days, an outsider. But we had PM'ed each other quite a bit - he was actually a very bright fellow, a sharp (if unforgiving) judge of character, and a guy who had endured health issues and really steep plunges into pitiless bad fortune. Job losses, failed relationships, unending trips to the hospital and so forth.

He lived in Middlesborough, northwest Yorkshire, and we had made a tenuous plan to actually meet up for an afternoon when we were in the area in 2013. It didn't work out. But we had talked via phone several times since then, most recently just last month.

He was an alcoholic, by his own admission, and I while I don't have any insight into how it affected his attempts to stabilize his life, it was obvious during our last conversation that he was circling the drain, psychologically and physically. I don't know what caused his demise in the end, whether medical misadventure or by his own hand (either seems possible, judging by our last talk), but in any case he lost his battle about 10 days ago. He was about 37.

Strange thing, isn't it? A guy I never met and with whom I had relatively little in common. But he was my friend, and now he's dead. I'll remember him.

*************

Yesterday I headed up to Loveland for a Friday-off day of skiing. I haven't skied much this year, for reasons ranging from cold weather to work pressures to (admittedly) a bit of laziness, but I was determined to get a day in. Presidents' Weekend usually means crushing crowds on Saturday and Sunday - I was hoping that Friday would be lighter.

It only really occurred to me last Tuesday that Friday would be my tenth wedding anniversary with Karin. And of course, we actually got married at Loveland, as part of the Mountaintop Matrimony thing they do every year.

Wedding Day - February 14, 2004

I don't write much anymore on being widowed from Karin - I may do so a bit this year, as I approach the ten year mark - recalling the event itself and the searing events of the following few months and the ensuing decade seems like the perfect opportunity for Deep Thoughts. But I don't really have any.

I remember the day ten years ago - sunny, mild, decent if less-than-heroic snow, a nice ceremony at the top of Lift 2, cake and Coors Light in the bar afterward. We were both very happy that day. And yesterday, ten years hence, the day was cloudy, cold, windy and snowing sideways, and I was up there just to ski, by myself. I never saw the happy couples at the top of Lift 2 - I suspect they moved the event indoors out of deference to the ferocious winds.

I'll always remember that day, but being there yesterday on the tenth anniversary didn't make me remember it any more or less. It was an oddly empty experience.